A Longing for Freedom
Mum, someones knocking at the door! Could you get it? Our hands are full, Emily called out.
Of course, Natalie replied with a quiet smile. She opened the door without checking the peepholeon Christmas Eve, it was usually children carolling, so she expected to see a young boy or girl on the doorstep.
Instead, she froze. Standing there was James, her ex-husband, looking at her like a scolded dog. A duffel bag sat at his feet, presumably stuffed with his belongings.
James, she finally managed, her voice hoarse. What are you doing here?
He flashed a grintoo eager, too brightbefore ducking his head slightly, eyes fixed on his shoes. Hello, love. Ive missed you all so much. Thought Id spend the holidays with my family.
He moved to step inside, but Natalie blocked him with a firm hand.
I didnt invite you in.
Oh, here we go. Nat, Im back! Isnt this what you wanted? He spread his arms wide, as if expecting applause.
Just like that? As if the last year and a half never happened?
James scowled, and Natalie remembered how her heart had shattered that dayinto irreparable pieces.
…Fifteen years ago, theyd married young, moving into a rented flat in Manchester. Life had been simple, cosy. Both worked steady jobs, so money was never tight. A year later, twins Oliver and Harry arrivedenergetic, mischievous boys who left Natalie exhausted but utterly smitten.
Thirteen years flew by. The boys grew tall, nearly her height, but remained her cheeky lads. James, however, changed. Late nights at work became frequent, then business trips. Natalie brushed it offstress, deadlines, responsibilities.
Until one afternoon at Tesco.
There he was, browsing expensive winessupposedly away in Birmingham. She opened her mouth to call out, but froze when a young woman kissed his cheek and dropped groceries into his basket.
Natalie held her breath, watching from behind a display. James draped an arm around the womans waist, whispering something that made her laugh. They paid, climbed into his car, and drove off.
Natalie stood numb, pain lancing through her. Her life had just derailed. Yet, clinging to foolish hope, she dialled his number.
Hey, love. Hows the trip? she asked, fighting to keep her voice steady.
Nat! Yeah, fine. Swamped with workIll call later.
She finished shopping mechanically, cooked dinner, helped the boys with homework, and tucked them in. Then she stared at her phone, whispering, You promised youd call.
But he never did.
A week later, the day before his return, Natalie sent the twins to her mothers. She knew a storm was coming.
When James walked in, she sat waiting at the kitchen table.
Wheres my welcome home? he called from the bedroom, laughing. No one missed their old man?
Who is she, James?
He stiffened. Who?
I saw you. At Tesco. A week ago.
He slumped into a chair. Claire. A colleague.
How long?
A year. But Nat, youve got to understandhomes a madhouse! The boys are always screaming or sick. Youre all about them. Im lonely! Claire… she gets me. Doesnt nag.
Nag? Natalies voice cracked. Asking you to fix a shelf or wash up is nagging?
Im in my prime! I need excitement, not nappies and school runs. I dont love you anymore.
The words hung between them.
And the boys? she whispered.
Theyll cope. Alimony, weekendsits done all the time. I need freedom, Nat. A life.
She begged him to stayfor them.
He left with that same duffel bag.
…Now, seeing him on her doorstep, Natalie almost laughed. He had no idea what the past eighteen months had been likethe boys crying, calling, getting no answer. Hed paid minimal child support, forcing her to take extra shifts. But shed survived.
You said we were boring, she reminded him.
I was wrong, darling. Forgive me. He reached for her hand; she pulled away.
Noise from the hall interrupted them. Oliver peered out. Mum, whos?
Dad? Harry appeared behind him.
James brightened. Lads! Im home! Got presents toolets celebrate!
He stepped forward, but a large hand clamped his shoulder.
Another time, mate, came a calm voice. Natalie smiled at the sighther Christopher. Tall, steady. The boys rushed past her to hug their stepdad.
Should I stay? Christopher murmured.
She shook her head, still smiling. He ushered the boys away, leaving James gaping.
So thats it? Traded me for some brute?
Traded? Natalie held up her left hand. A wedding band glinted. I chose him when I was free. Unlike you.
James spluttered. You begged me to come back!
Eighteen months ago. My lifes different now. Merry Christmas.
She shut the door, locked it, and exhaled. Then she turned toward the warm, glowing flatwhere her sons and her husband waited.
Sometimes, letting go is the only way to truly be free.
