The rain hammered against the hospital windowcold, sharp, relentless. It rattled the metal awning outside like something alive.
Marina woke to the noise, lying still, listening to her own body. Shed just had surgerya cyst removed, along with an ovary. Age, maybe? Though the ward held women of all ages.
A dull glow seeped in from the half-open door. The smell of antiseptic, bleach, something medicinal.
And then, through the drumming rain, she heard ita whimper. She listened. Silence. Then again.
Marina sat up. She knew instantlythe girl across the room, sixteen or so, was crying. Shed heard about her earlier. Complications from a backstreet abortion. A knitting needle. The old way.
Marina crossed the room and sat on the empty bed opposite. The girl was curled tight, only sharp knees and tangled hair visible. Marina pulled the spare blanket over hershe was shivering.
The girl sniffed, wiped her nose like a child. Shed been operated on that morning. Five hours. The nurse whispered: *abscess, they took her womb.*
Does it hurt? Marina asked, loud enough over the rain.
The girl shook her head.
Need anything? Water?
Maybe
Marina poured weak, sweet tea from her flask. Here. Sit up a bit.
The girl sipped. Thanks.
Dont cry. Whats done is done.
She wanted to scold her. *What were you thinking, you silly girl? Youve ruined your life! No children now. Nearly killed yourself!* But not now. The girl was in painthe anaesthesia wearing off, reality settling in.
No one wants me, the girl mumbled.
What? Of course they do. Your family. Your mum.
*He* doesnt. Hes not thinking about me.
Him? Thats why youre crying? Really? You should be worrying about *yourself*, getting better.
I dont *want* to get better. I cant live without him. I love him Her face twisted, lips blue, sinking into the pillow, sobbing.
The rain answered, pounding in bursts.
Marina put a hand on her shoulder. What could she say?
That teenage love was fleeting? That if hed loved her, this wouldnt have happened? That he was a coward, a bastard, for letting her do this alone?
Would she even listen?
Tell me, Marina said instead.
And the girl didhalting, jumping between details.
Theyd met at athletics club. He was from the next town over, handsome, a rising star. She never dreamed hed pick *her*. But he did.
That summer, at a competition, they were housed in a school. Girls in one classroom, boys in another.
It happened in an empty room. A candle, even. A dream come true.
He *said* he was careful. I remember. Then he kissed me afterit was perfect.
Marina sighed. And after?
He wanted to again, right before we left. But the coach walked pastwe hid under a desk. We *laughed* A fleeting smile. Nothing happened then.
And then?
Then I dont know. He changed. Missed training. I went when *he* was therehe acted like he didnt know me. Pulled his hand away. Then the girls told mehe was with *Chloe*. A tear rolled down her grey cheek.
Did he know? About the baby?
A nod.
And?
He tapped his head. Like I was stupid. Then I went to his *house* weeks laterI *knew* by then. *Then* he panicked, yelled. But I *love* him! No one else*no one*! She buried her face in the blanket, shoulders shaking. I sterilised the needleI didnt *know*
The childish simplicity of it crushed Marina.
A *child*. She didnt even grasp what shed lost. Crying over *him*, not herself. Over puppy love for some cold-hearted boy. A story as old as time.
Whats your name?
Emily. Emily Carter.
Carter? From Millfield?
A nod.
Your dadSteven?
She froze. Yeah Butthey split years ago. *Dont* tell Mum, okay? She thinks Im at my friends in Claydon. *Please*.
She doesnt *know*? God!
Steven Carter had been in Marinas class. And his wife*Anna*small, sharp-faced, a year or two below them.
Emily, you *have* to tell her.
No! Shell *kill* me! Throw me out!
I wont. *Yet.* Sleep now. Its late.
Emily curled up, childlike, hands under her cheek. Marina tucked her in and returned to bed. The others had heard.
The doctors would call Anna. Maybe already had. But she didnt say that.
Outside, the rain softened. Dawn creeping in.
Such a waste. Such a *waste*.
—
Five years later, Marina had nearly forgotten.
She taught primary school now. Married, happy. Her youngest at Sandhurst, the eldest in the army. She rarely visited Millfieldher sister Natalie lived there with Mum.
Then spring brought news: her nephew *Josh* was getting married.
She loved Josh. Sweet, bright, open. Too *young*, thoughbarely finished trade school, army ahead.
A *shotgun* wedding?
They drove down for Easter. Fields neat, woods waking. Home.
The house looked newerextension, fresh paint.
Hugs, tears. Mum fussing.
Theyve *expanded*, Mum said proudly. All this spacefor what?
Marina smiled. SoJosh is sure?
Booked the pub! July 8thright after the village fête. Theyll be crowned at the festivalFamily Day, you know.
And the bride? Local?
Mum beamed. Lovely girl. Parents split, though. *Emily Carter*. Remember Anna and Steven?
Marinas fork clattered.
Of *course* she remembers, Natalie laughed. Steven was in her year!
The room swayed.
Sweet girl, Mum prattled. Helped with the potatoes last autumn. Skinny, but tough
Marinas palms sweated. She piled jam on bread.
*Emily Carter.*
Shed only told her husband back then. Hed shrugged*womens troubles*.
But Millfield never found out. Anna had pulled Emily from school, sent her to college. Secrets usually spreadbut not this one.
Now*Josh*. Her sweet nephew. Natalie dreaming of grandkids.
*No. No.*
She opened her mouth
We dont know what to *gift*, she blurted. Money or
Natalie sighed. Not pregnant, if thats what youre thinking. Theyre *waiting*. Army first.
Marinas fists clenched under the table.
That night, on the porch:
Youll be a *grandma* before me, Natalie teased.
*Never.*
—
Next morning, Marina stormed to the Carters.
Anna answered. Expecting her.
Tea. Pancakes.
Josh *knows*, Anna said quietly.
*What?*
I warned him. Why condemn yourself? But theyre *in love*. She wiped tears. I *failed* her.
Marina stood. Im sorrybut this *cant* happen. My family deserves the truth.
Anna just nodded.
—
She cornered Josh that evening.
Youll regret this. *No* children. Ever.
I love *her*.
*Love?* Shell *ruin* you!
He hugged her. Auntie, please. Dont tell them.
She didnt.
—
Next day, she confronted Emily.
Youre punishing *him* for *your* mistakes.
Emily stared at the garden. If you love someone you let them go.
A flicker of pain. She was *pretty* now. Tall, dark hair.
*What a wife she couldve been.*
Marina left.
—
A week later, Natalie called.
Emily was in hospital. Pills.
Marina rushed over
Josh blocked her. *Dont.*
Did I *cause* this?
You *know* you did.
She shoved past.
Emily sat, pale, on a bench. Josh gripped her hand.
Marina sighed. Always meeting in hospitals, eh?
Emily looked up. We cant break up.
Marina shoved a fruit bag at her. Do what you want
